Supporting the Younger You: A Real-Life Approach to Reparenting

Parenting Yourself: What Reparenting Really Looks Like in Adulthood (Through an IFS Lens)

Ever catch yourself saying, “Ugh, I should have known better,” or “Why am I like this?”—only to feel a wave of shame or frustration follow?
That, my friend, is often a cue from your inner system. And with the Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens, we learn that those inner reactions aren’t just random—they come from parts of us trying to protect or manage something deeper.

Reparenting in adulthood is about meeting those parts with curiosity, care, and compassion—essentially becoming the safe, supportive caregiver your inner system may have needed all along.

🧠 What is Reparenting, Really?

Reparenting isn’t about blaming your actual parents. It’s about recognizing where emotional needs went unmet—and giving yourself what you needed then, now.

From the IFS perspective, it means connecting with exiled parts (often holding pain, fear, or shame) and the protectors that show up to keep them hidden. Reparenting invites your Self—calm, compassionate, and connected—to step in and lead.

💛 3 Practical Ways to Reparent Yourself Using IFS Principles

1. Get Curious About Your Inner Critic

That harsh inner voice? It’s often a protector doing its best to keep you safe from failure, judgment, or rejection.
Instead of pushing it away, pause and say:
👉 “I’m noticing this part of me that’s being critical… I wonder what it’s afraid might happen if it wasn’t here?”

✨ Self-led response: Curiosity > Condemnation

2. Check In With Younger Parts

Many of our emotional reactions stem from exiled parts—usually younger versions of ourselves who didn’t feel seen, heard, or loved in the way they needed.
Try this gentle check-in:
👶 “Is there a younger part of me that’s feeling hurt or overwhelmed right now?”
Then offer what they need: reassurance, validation, or even just your presence.

✨ Self-led response: Compassion > Fixing

3. Create Daily Mini-Rituals of Safety

Reparenting is also about consistency and trust. Show up for your parts the way a nurturing parent would—with small, meaningful acts.
🌿 Try:

  • A morning affirmation (e.g., “I’ve got you today.”)

  • Taking breaks when you're tired instead of pushing through

  • Speaking kindly to yourself when you make mistakes

✨ Self-led response: Care > Control

🌱 Final Thought:

Reparenting isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming present. When you lead from Self—with calm, curiosity, and compassion—you give your parts the parent they’ve been waiting for.

And every time you do, you’re not just healing old wounds—you’re building a new legacy. 💛

Tara Morse